My head hurts. Never thought that too much sadness would cause massive headache. I don’t know what hit me. But I’m sure as hell I’ll be fine. It’s just a matter of time. Some things I just have to let go. I feel the wind in my face as I go faster. Run. Just escape…
Category Archives: Life as I know it..
Got a girlfriend? She got preggo? Well here’s a shortlist of expenses that you might want to take in consideration:
1) Hospital pregnancy test: P300
2) Monthly doc’s visit: P4,500
(P500 X 9mos.)
3) Ultrasound if boy or girl: P500
4) Pre-natal vitamin supplements: P13,500
(P1500 x 9mos.)
5) Normal delivery with doc’s discount maybe: P35,000
6) Baby’s disposable diapers until trained to make pupu himself: P24,000
2 years (P1,000 x 24mos.)
7) Vaccines for baby: P15,000
8) Baby formula for the 1st year: P36,000
(P3,000 x 12mos.)
9) “Growing up” milk until 4 yrs. old: P96,000
(P2,000 x 48 mos.)
10) Toddler vitamins until 4 yrs. Old: P48,000
(P1,000 x 48 mos.)
11) One year of pre-school: P35,000
12) Grades 1-6 tuition: P540,000
13) High School: P400,000
14) University: P480,000
15) Allowance throughout College: P480,000
(P10,000/month for 4 years)
*Prices are conservative estimates and are subject to change depending on the state of the economy when you finally sire a kid. Also this does not include the vast amounts of unforeseeable “luxuries” your child will throw tantrums over, swimming lessons, drum sets, or the latest PlayStation and iPad/Touch/Phone, family trips to Disneyland and Universal Studios in Singapore and or the weekly window shopping to the mall with Pizza Hut food tripping! Scared? Well, that is the price for the unbelievable joy in seeing your own flesh and blood. Way to go Dads!
Earlier this morning I was at the toilet taking my usual dump routine and all of a sudden I heard the song “Islands in the Stream” by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton resonating from the room adjacent to mine. I felt nostalgic about my childhood hearing that song. One good memory in particular is when my mom and dad go on a duet with that song especially when he just came home from Saudi Arabia mostly during Christmas seasons. Since I feel nostalgic I took the opportunity to recall some significant things during this vast 26 years of my life in no particular order.
There was this yellow bell tree near our previous house in Las Piñas Metro Manila when I was 4 years old. I remember this vividly because this is the intersection of the street where all my friends gather during those late afternoon street games. I love climbing that small tree because it gives me a sense of freedom that school time is over. Ironically, no memory of my friends at that moment resurfaced in my brain, not even names.
During my 15th Birthday a friend of mine named Carmi gave me some green mangoes freshly picked from their backyard. We had a small talk about my ranting how time flies so fast and I’m 15 already and still a virgin. Yeah, that kind of sounds horrible but that is what came out of my mind that time. I doubt she still remember that funny conversation we had.
I kept my collection of NBA cards during my elementary days and whenever I see them, it always gives me the feeling on how I endured saving a lot of money just to buy one hell of a pack once every two or three months which contain less than 10 pieces of random NBA players and if I’m lucky I might get a superstar. Totally worth it.
Actor David Hasselhoff. I don’t know, but whenever I see his face there are two images I will never forget: Baywatch and Pamela Anderson’s hotness. Me and my dad we’re really fond of watching Baywatch and that was around 1995 and though I was just a kid I already know Baywatch chicks are really gorgeous. The opening song really rocks up until now.
It was probably more than 15 years ago, our ceiling fan at home had four light bulbs with flower-like designs. One of the bulbs is missing because my dad accidentally hit it and broke it to pieces. He was about to hit me with his bare hands because of my stubbornness as a kid. Funny thing I remembered is when he raised his hand and hit it he knew it’s going to fall and he shielded me. I gazed upon his scared face and hugged me asking if I’m alright. Priceless.
How we remember things are a psychological aspect of us being human. There are just some instances in our lives that we will never forget, memories will return weather you see your old scribbles in your bedroom wall and reminded you how badly you cried when your mom scolded you, it can be a very old toy that you used to love or just some random things. You could listen to a good ol’ song that’ll remind you on what you went through during that time in which it could be your darkest days or joyous ones. It is a free pass to the past that you may want to elude forever or yearn and smile for the good old days…
Ever get that feeling of epiphany? When you suddenly realized something? Something you discovered or a potential solution to your problem that left you saying AHA! Yes? Then you’re in the “Eureka Zone”!
A few years back, on an evening like any other, I had a sudden realization: I felt I was in danger of wasting my life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a Manila to Laguna Bus, I saw that the years were slowly turning like a page of the book wanting to reach the end.
What do I really want in life? I asked myself while staring at the cold window of the bus looking at people closing their shops and children running home to escape the heavy rains. Fairly simple, my answer is I want to be happy of course. Well I had plenty of reasons to be happy: My family is complete, healthy and getting by, though we are not rich, I can say that we do count our blessings and grateful for everything that we have. I had a handful of trusted friends; I had a girlfriend to rely on and kept me sane during tough times and amazingly she could absorb nearly every rant I threw because I lose my temper quite easily. But hey, really, is this how a happy human behave?
Apparently I jot down some of the things that really matters when it comes to pursuing your happiness. Well, at least for me.
i] One does not simply dwell into petty things. I used to let petty things bother me; it kind of pisses me off when people are talking rude behind your back. Either say it straight to my face or do not talk at all! Momentarily I just got to the point where I just did not care anymore; I could just blow it off. Now I do my best to ignore things that really do not matter and it works for me.
ii] Face your fears. You’ll never know unless you try. I suppose being afraid to talk about your fears is one of the worst fears of all, because to confess your fears is really to expose your innermost self; the part you hide from everybody and even those dearest to you! In fact, the part you’re even trying to hide from yourself, because you’re afraid to think about it. You don’t even want to confess it to yourself that you’re afraid because that would be admitting you’re a coward, and you don’t want to confess you’re a coward for fear of being exposed prior to rejection. Yes that’s the word REJECTION; you are daunted that you will be rejected. One solution I considered is to face your fears and to acknowledge them; even confess them, but to take a positive stand against them of course. In life we all have this skeletons in the closet (mine is under the bed though 😀 ), that we must take care of. It really pays to face your fears and be responsible; recognize they’re there, decide and learn to let it go. Any kind of fear must never let you control your life.
iii] Do NOT let the sun go down on anger or just LET it? Okay so this one might be a little confusing. We all heard that we must let go of any anger we endured before ending the day right? Think about yourself: there is probably never a day in your personal life when you aren’t angry in some way. The crucial question is, “Are you good and angry at the same time?” But a certain individual could only carry so much. Look into your heart and humbly ask yourself this question: How much of my daily anger has anything at all to do with the happiness that I’m seeking? You could either express the anger regardless how minor or major it is then amplify bad feelings at the end of the day, or just let it, let it dissipate and it could result to your inner peace or just aggravate the depression even more.
iv] Get out of your Comfort Zone. Challenge and seeking new interests are key elements of happiness. This also means learning new ideas: it could be a new game or go somewhere you’ve never been to. An unfamiliar feeling gives me creeps at first, but without it I will never experience something new. Happiest people often seek adventures that could change their life and give more exciting elements while they’re at it.
v] Happiness for sale. They say you can’t buy happiness. I say it depends on the person. I’m a tech savvy and I love gadgets. Material happiness is like if you’re in the sea swimming in the shallowest depths. You still feel the ambience of the sea and you’re okay with that not taking the scuba thingies to dive deeper. Although it might be a temporary happiness, it still amuses you and you get this warm fuzzy feeling of acquiring things you desire.
vi] Listen to people around you. We are social beings. We connect with each other by means of socializing. This generally means that we have to consider other people’s opinions and thoughts then weigh it accordingly. We don’t want to hear the phrase “Cheers to the best advice you didn’t take!”
I want to know things that really matters, I want to live life to the fullest. All these clichés really makes sense to me as I got off the bus that night. As I stare to people trying to live and get by each day, they smile because they are resilient, because tomorrow is another day, another chance to make it right. They already know life is hitting them and they gladly embraced it hoping that one day it’ll all be worth it.
Alas! Cheers to this Eureka! And for two cents worth: “If you’re unhappy or anxious, it’s a sign that your thoughts aren’t serving you and you’re focusing on what you DON’T want. To shift your energy, simply change your focus to what you WANT instead.”
So this subject might be a little overrated. But the thing is we all have our favorite quotes and I really need to include this one here. Feel free to share yours in the comment section. ^_^
“Get up and take a step. Move forward. You got two fine legs with you…”
-Edward Elric (Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood – Anime)
“The most precious things are also the most fragile.”
-Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter – anime)
– “When you live by a Code that compels you to harsh action, you learn the dangers of curiosity. If I must kill a man because he has done wrong, do I really wish to know that he is a devoted father?” -Samara to Shepard, Mass Effect 2 (Video Game)
“People who act on instinct shouldn’t criticize theories…” -Nobunaga (Hunter X Hunter – anime)
“To survive in this world, we hold close to us those people on whom we depend. We trust in them our hopes, our fears. But what happens when trust is lost? Where do we run when things we believe in vanish before our eyes? When all seems lost, the future unknowable, our very existence in peril… all we can do is run.” –Mohinder Suresh (Heroes TV series)
“It is through the choices we make that we define our lives and become ourselves.” –Filadelfa Tubo
“No one lives in the slums because they want to. It’s like this train. It can’t run anywhere except where its rails take it.” – Cloud Strife, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game)
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn’t become a monster.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Beyond Good and Evil)
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”- Charlie Chaplin
“In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, and look around you.” –Tolstoy
“Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions.”- Edgar Cayce
“A life spent resisting temptations is a wasted life” – Paulo Coelho
“You don’t make major life decisions when you are reeling from a loss.” -Jessica Pearson, (Suits, TV series)
“A sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing.” -Marilyn Monroe
“Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein
“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” – Robert J. Sawyer
“He’s his own man because he believes himself to be the strongest.” -Machi referring to Hisoka. (Hunter X Hunter – Anime)
“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever. “– Lance Armstrong
“Trust me, it’s paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe and searches for something we haven’t tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It’s probably worth it.” – Richard (The Beach, Movie)
While dwelling on earth, there will be numerous occasions that people will leave a mark in your life. These are just ordinary people who gave you experiences you cannot forget and if we’re lucky enough to encounter them, we have to make sure we assimilate their wisdom.
As for me, I could enumerate few people and their story that left me an impression on how they faced the trials and hellish quagmires life has to offer.
*Mr. Migs – A previous colleague. 63 year old Engineer specialized in Marine construction currently based in Dubai. He cheated on his wife with a 23 year old hot lady. He told me a lot of life experiences and all the wicked things he did and how he got away with it unscathed. I knew he’s a ninja in his previous life! He told me that I should never take them for granted once I get married and started my own family. Be loyal to your wife and marry someone you can’t live without so that you’ll never regret it for the rest of your life. As of date Mr. Migs is in Quebec, Canada and told me via e-mail that he reconciled with his wife but their relationship is never the same…
*Granny Juana – My Dad’s mom. What can I say? She served as my guiding light when I started living with my cousins for one year in 1998. I was 12 then and stubborn. I learned a lot from her the hard way. I get scolded every day for one year. She always reminds me the golden rule and we always attend Sunday mass at 5 am. I also learned a lot about raising pigs since she used to own a pig pen. God knows how much I miss her now and her scolding (LOL). She is one of the few people who shaped me for what I am today and I’m really grateful to that. God bless her soul. During her last days, she told me not to forget all the things she taught me and be a good soul always. But why do good people have to go first? I asked her. She said that it is not death as we seem it is. How do people die? By tragic accident or by gun shot, mugged perhaps? Or just like me, because of Bronchitis? People only die when they’re forgotten by the people most dear to them. I’m confident that you will never forget me. In your heart I’ll always be there and I’ll ask the Almighty to guide you so that you could get by each day until the day we reunite. Son, I love you the way I love your father. Now stop crying and hand me the rosary. It’s going to be okay…
*Geoff – A dear friend of mine who’s a year older than me. We were best friends since we were kids and the fact that our family are the first to settle in our village, we easily get along and we play in the streets everyday like there’s no tomorrow. We had each other’s back as we grew up. Yeah, like brothers. He always finds time to go to our house to copy files, anime, movies and play video games even though time is really a luxury when we were in college. What I can’t forget about him is that he always has this attitude of asking what am I doing and gives a little piece of advice about almost everything. I shared many personal problems to him and I’m always amazed how eagerly he listens to all my rant and give me options to choose from and the consequences of each. I think he could be a good counselor or psychiatrist. Things changed in summer of 2007. He took his own life. I cannot believe everything at first. He came to me 2 days ago before his death with the usual routine, anime and stuff. How the hell did he manages to be so normal but he is preoccupied about something that caused him to take his own life. During the mass and the “peace is with you” moment, he gazed upon me bowing his head. At that instant I knew something is wrong, his eyes cannot hide it. Still how could he do that? For a moment I felt betrayed and useless. Questions start to haunt me. Why he didn’t tell me about the burden he’s carrying? I thought that was his turf, making the problem less of a problem? But I guess he snapped. That tragic day is still surreal to me until now. But some things I have to let go. But how do I move on?
*Dad – Mentor, best friend and a Dad wrapped in one person. Every day I thank God for having him as my father. I respect him a lot and he teaches me life values and experiences he had and reassesses the pros and cons so that I know what to do in case I have to encounter some. My relationship with him is never a typical Dad-son thingy. We are more like best friends and I share him everything that my mind wants to cater. I just wish that he will stay strong as he is now and I hope he will spend a lot of time with his future grandson.
*Caitlyn Fairchild – I met her in summer of 2003. But not like any other people I dearly know, she’s an exception. We never met in real life. During that time there’s this online game that stormed the country called Ragnarok Online. It’s a massively multiplayer online game that many youngsters including me got addicted to. I met her while leveling up and doing some quest at the same time. A few chats and there you go, we never looked back and we became “online buddies”. There even came a point that I didn’t actually care about the progress of my character online and I just want to chat with her and see her avatar. As to my enthusiasm, I researched about her because she never told me her full name and that puts me to stalk her Friendster account and I knew she’s legit (meaning a real girl!), though her name is not Caitlyn Fairchild. We shared a lot of things. One thing I like about her is that she’s energetic online, always wants to play with me, do some grinding with our character to strengthen up. Also she is just like Geoff, I always tell her my personal problems that she almost became my online diary. Apparently all those grinding paid off as we became really strong in the community. We were like alpha and omega during that time. The dynamic duo as they say. We were like that for 3 long years. We became each other’s wall to lean on. But all good things must come to an end. When our personal lives started to hinder us and the entire hectic schedules kept us away from the online gaming community. I never heard from her after a couple of months. Until one day in 2007, I received a private message on Friendster. It’s Caitlyn, she is sorry that she didn’t say much about her life that left me wondering about. She gave me a link to her personal blog and I saw the real her. She felt she owed me an explanation that’s why she did it. As I gawked at the colorful photos of her, I realized that she’s living in an entirely different world. She was living in the United States from the moment I met her in the game up until now. She is married and she’s 23 at that time, 2 years older than me with a very cute daughter just like her. She did not say anything about this during the time we were playing because she thought I would go away. Now I know the real reason why she can’t come during our guilds meet and greet sessions. I added her to this list because she shared a lot of her life experiences and how she overcomes many obstacles. One thing she told me that I’ll never forget: “Have the courage to let some go, and sacrifice for some to stay; thus, live and make life your own way.”
These people made the difference in my life and I’ve learned a lot from them. Surely there will be more to come and probably I’ll be adding them up in this endeavor. If you have the same experience or thoughts, feel free to share it too. =)
“It’s the action, not the fruit of the action, that’s important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there’ll be any fruit. But that doesn’t mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”
― Mahatma Gandhi